Saturday, August 20, 2011

reasons NOT to leave Pittsburgh

It sounds funny. We're leaving this beautiful, historic city. But we will miss it. Here's some of our favorite things...

The Steelers
We're going to miss all of the games, pep rallies, the electricity when we win Super Bowls... Luckily, there's Steelers bars in Hawaii, including the big island. You can check out all of them: Steelers bars. That photo was taken 11-21-10 when we beat the Raiders 35-3. Best. Seats. Ever.

The history, views, landmarks
It's just breath-taking. We have a great downtown. But there's no night life down there. That all winds up on the South Side. It's fun to go to bars down there, but it's even funner on the rare occasion that we actually have a sitter and vehicle/designated driver to enjoy it. So we won't miss it too bad, since we already do now. The zoo and museums are awesome. I still have to check out what's in Hawaii. The history of Pittsburgh is something all it's own. We have a history museum filled with pictures and recordings from the last 250+ years. Hawaii only became a state in 1959 (tomorrow is it's birthday!). There's some history there too, but I don't know how much is recorded in museums. Pittsburghers love our history. George Washington slept here. But we don't have tiki totems here.

We get like 30" of rain a year supposedly. I think it's a lot higher than that. And did they factor in snow? Seriously? Hilo supposedly gets like 130" of rain a year. But it's like 65-85 degrees year round. It gets anywhere from like 100 to -20 here. And I can say goodbye to events like Snowpocalypse. I think Hawaii gets snow, but nothing like the crippling 3 feet in like 12 hours. Sure, that only happens once every 10 years, but I'm leaving it behind. But I'm leaving behind the endless clouds and haze for a night sky full of stars. And Hawaii has telescopes. We have one, and it's always cloudy...

There's like $2 buses in Hawaii, but don't run so much. Buses here are $3.25 one way. And now-a-days, don't run so much. Port Authority sucks. Ok so that's not really a reason to leave, but it does factor in somewhere.

For the most part, the scariest things around here are the occasional bear, deer in mating season (when you're driving), and well, wolf and brown recluse spiders. Hawaii has sharks, but not more than the average beach. And ginormous orb spiders. And something called a cane spider. Dear God, it's a wolf spider on steroids. I can deal with an orb spider, it's just a WAAAY bigger version of a garden spider. Non-agressive, makes a pretty web. Stays outside. I don't know the deal with this cane spider. Frankly, I'm terrified just looking at pictures and never stayed long enough to read an article. Stay outside, don't come near me, we'll be ok. Hawaii has no snakes. My husband loves that. But mention spider to me or one of the twins, and we're in the other room before you finish the sentence. Centipedes too. I heard chickens LOVE to eat them. So I'll probably have a pet chicken out there. And apparently there's cockroaches everywhere. As long as it has less than 8 legs, I'm ok. We're clean people, so we probably won't have to worry too much about those.

So Pittsburgh doesn't have them, obviously. And no earthquakes either. But Hawaii has Vog, volcanic emissions in the air. Pittsburgh is forever overcast and hazy. I think I could deal. Then sun will probably burn my eyes like I just crawled out of a cave after being in there all my life. But there's a nifty little invention called sunglasses. Something that just never took off in Pittsburgh.

I've heard if you have anything real serious, go to Oahu. The medical care in Hilo kinda sucks from what I've heard. There's a major hospital competition here. Tons of them, everywhere. That will be hard to get used to.

Nobody wears floral print here unless they just visited Hawaii or are over 60. Pittsburghers like our blacks and grays and drab fashion. We like basic, comfy, goes with anything. Just add accessories.
We also have these cool 3 rivers that fork right downtown. Our city was built where a fort was. If there was a zombie attack, Pittsburgh would have a 1 up in geography. Plus we spawned George Romero AND Tom Savini. But the islands are kinda cut off from the world. So 1 up too for Hawaii in case of a zombie apocalypse. I'm going to miss zombie walks and conventions. I don't know how many horror fans are out in Hawaii. I think it's a lot of sun worshipers. But we'll have the internet, so I'll be able to stay in touch.

So that wraps it up, I think. Pittsburgh is awesome. We'll be back to visit. But we're going to the beach a whole lot first. And you don't really want to snorkel here.

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